The Two Worlds

I still wonder how would it be to grow into a woman with all greys, each line and wrinkle on my face breathing tranquility and somewhere down the lane, I would be reading these blogs I write today. I am so sure these are my parts I would lose to time and the journey but writing these would preserve some essence of who I am today. I have always been the teenager fantasizing about beautiful old age one that speaks of graceful aging. Only God knows why did I fantasize particularly the old age. I see two parallel lines never meeting and I am only wondering if there is ever a confluence.

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There has always been a perception about the world, things and events I involuntarily form. I don’t visualize purposely but I somehow cannot curb my creative genes that visualize and imagine events or things before they actually happen. I tell you many of them have turned out to be true but somehow they come with their own sequence of events and repercussions to follow. I always wanted to study at my father’s University after I lost him in a cardiac arrest. And I did go to study at his University only to realise it was what I wanted but it looked different in my imagination. I remember filling up the form on the last day and then landing up at his college to see how he must have walked, studied and excelled as a sportsman there. It was my aching heart’s only desire back then to have my name flashing on the Roll of Honour board as my father’s. I had to quit the University and the course after a year because life had other plans and certain unavoidable things became a priority. I then of course could not get myself a place in the Roll of Honour board but I won, “The Best Speaker” award winning the first position consecutively at the University.

I desired it deeply and somehow I got it but each time I see things I desire in life they are more beautiful in my imagination than in reality or maybe their essence dies very soon. I remember I badly wanted to top my final year exams to earn myself a gold medalist tag. I would visualize about the same wearing my imagination wings in the most subtle way. I stood first in my final year but then post graduation entrance was such a priority then that I couldn’t even rejoice for says days for something I worked for one and half year. The merriment was more in my imagination and visuals I formed of it than the actual occurring.

The world that lies inside us is perhaps more patient and steady paced. It is more grateful and rejoices for little things longer. The world outside is cut throat, competitive and never satisfying. There is no pleasure, no merriment that lasts longer in the outside world. Whenever one has to look for happiness, pieces of strength are scratched from the inside world. I wonder each time no matter what happens in the outside world, the inner one comforts you, forgives you, gathers your disappointments to let you play once more. The two worlds go parallel, they never meet. I only wonder what is it to openly accept challenges the outside world gives but to find solace, let the inner world be constantly adorned. You are a world in yourself, trust me when I say that!